"Take another helping; we shouldn’t let it go unused!"
"Is that all you're having?"
"Indulge in another slice of pie; it’s a once-a-year treat!"
During a large Thanksgiving gathering, you might hear phrases like these meant to encourage enjoyment of the holiday feast. However, these seemingly harmless comments could unknowingly impact individuals dealing with eating disorders such as bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and anorexia nervosa, possibly triggering discomfort or distress.
Thanksgiving encompasses more than just food—it’s about cherishing time with loved ones, expressing gratitude, and marking the seasonal shift from autumn to winter. However, despite its sentimental value, Thanksgiving remains primarily centered around food consumption, presenting a challenge for individuals grappling with eating disorders.
Despite the complexities this holiday presents for those with eating disorders, Thanksgiving also offers an opportunity for reaffirming one’s journey toward recovery. Successfully managing recovery on a day so focused on eating is a significant achievement worthy of celebration and pride. In the following, we’ll explore ways individuals with eating disorders can navigate this holiday, along with guidance on how their support system can lend a helping hand.
Tips and Tricks for Those Struggling
Make a Plan and Stick With It- If you have the means to meet with a nutritionist or therapist, speak with them about your anxieties leading up to the holiday. Draft a plan on how to portion meals and navigate between what may be an overwhelming spread of appetizers, main courses, side dishes, and desserts. Focus on the flavors of your favorite components and don't force yourself beyond comfort. Stick to your meal plan, and portion properly. Having someone do so for you may be helpful, too. You should also plan for how to deal with distress from family members who might become critical or judgmental.
Find Support- It takes courage to talk about your eating disorder to family members. Even speaking to parents who know you struggle can be intimidating. Find someone you feel comfortable confiding in and if you're ready, express that you are in recovery and may need some extra meal-time support.They can help you get out of difficult conversations or provide a refuge if you’re feeling distressed.
Prepare Your Coping Skills- Thanksgiving often carries inherent stress, and this isn't limited to meal-related triggers. The holiday season itself can provoke significant anxiety, potentially leading to a resurgence of disordered eating behaviors. This highlights the importance of having coping strategies in place. Prepare yourself by having coping techniques at the ready. My personal favorites are redirection and wise mind vs. sick mind conversations. Take breaks when needed—step outside for a moment of meditation, embark on a brief walk, or immerse yourself in a chapter of your current book. Engaging in activities that redirect your focus from stress can provide moments of centeredness and relief.
Focus on Gratitude and Family- Embrace the spirit of Thanksgiving. While the meal often takes center stage during Thanksgiving, the true essence of the holiday lies in gratitude and appreciation for life's blessings. Deliberately reflecting on these aspects can serve multiple purposes. Not only does it shift the focus away from food and eating, but it also allows for the reaffirmation of the positive transformations you've embraced since embarking on your journey towards recovery from an eating disorder.
Tips and Tricks for Friends and Family
If you're sharing Thanksgiving with someone in recovery from an eating disorder, it's likely that you're a close friend or family member. It's equally probable that you aim to create an environment where they feel comfortable and ready to relish the atmosphere and camaraderie during this holiday meal. Regrettably, Thanksgiving often presents challenges for those supporting a loved one with an eating disorder. Much of the conversation tends to revolve around eating and associated subjects. To navigate these sensitive areas and offer support during Thanksgiving dinner, here are some tips for loved ones.
Establish Connection- Let those struggling know you are there for them. Earlier in the day, consider pulling them aside for a chat, expressing your availability to help in any way that eases their pressure. Alternatively, opt for a subtler approach. If you notice signs of discomfort, such as them appearing uneasy or tense, it might indicate they're battling eating disorder impulses or feeling judged. In such moments, offering support involves diverting the conversation to a different topic or subtly engaging the person causing their discomfort to distract them.
DO NOT Mention Weight or Health- Refraining from mentioning their weight or health is crucial. It's a universally smart practice to avoid discussing someone's weight, particularly in public or unless explicitly invited to do so. Even seemingly positive remarks like, "You look so healthy!" can unintentionally trigger discomfort for someone in recovery. Such comments might inadvertently remind them of their weight gain or the changes accompanying their recovery, potentially fueling disordered thoughts. It's important to remember never to bring up the weight of someone with an eating disorder, and it's equally vital to:
DO NOT Mention YOUR Weight or Health- During Thanksgiving, phrases like, "I'll need to hit the gym after this meal!" tend to surface. While seemingly harmless to those without eating disorders, for individuals grappling with such disorders, it inadvertently validates behaviors like restriction, dieting, purging, and excessive exercise, or fosters a sense of guilt around eating. It's crucial to actively minimize or avoid any discussions about dieting or weight loss around someone with an eating disorder, especially during a time when food takes center stage. Instead, redirect the conversation to topics like gratitude, the progress of a football game, or any non-food-related subjects to create a supportive environment.
Be Empathetic- Tap into your empathy as a means of offering support to your loved one. Educating yourself about eating disorders is a powerful way to comprehend their perspective. By delving into their testimonials and experiences, such as how distressing Thanksgiving can be for them, you gain insight into their challenges. Numerous online resources cater to families and friends of individuals dealing with eating disorders. Organizations like the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) provide extensive materials to begin your education—check out their resources here. This deeper understanding of what it's like to live with an eating disorder allows you to empathize with the impact of certain remarks and the sensation of feeling judged.
Avoid Pushing the Matter- If your loved one begins to feel distressed or anxious during the meal, avoid spotlighting them. While being there to listen is important, drawing attention to them in front of the group might exacerbate their anxiety. Rather than making public statements like "You're doing great," consider quietly checking in with them. A discreet inquiry about their well-being allows them to respond without pressure. If they affirm they're fine, it offers subtle support. If they express discomfort, you can assist them in stepping away for a breather.
Overall
Eating disorders, intricate and emotionally taxing mental health conditions, intensify the challenges of every eating occasion. A holiday such as Thanksgiving, emphasizing food, can exacerbate these difficulties. To ease the experience for yourself or a loved one, prioritize gratitude, cherish moments with loved ones, and relish their company. Moreover, if you're encountering difficulties, know that support is within reach. Recovery might not always be straightforward, yet its rewards are invaluable. Recovery is worth it- you are worthy.
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